Friendship Feelings Forgiveness

Post aft a proposal frm a grl who iz my frnd

I hve few close frnds and even fewer people seem to get me. At first I thought there was something wrong with me. Then I felt that I didn’t communicate enough. With time I hve realized dat d problem iz dual. First of all, I don’t speak too much about me. When I don’t speak so much about myself, people will not talk to me abt themselves. And secondly, I don’t ask people too much abt themselves. This is not a great thing socially since people perceive me to be someone who doesn’t care, doesn’t listen or doesn’t have empathy. But the truth is the few people who do know me know dat I can be a fabulous friend. To me friendships matter more and I am always willing to give a frnd their due respect and time.

Despite this wisdom, many-a- times my choice of frndships has been determined not by choice but by circumstance. Though I am blessed nd fortunate to hve met people who have taught me valuable lessons: - Friends, who smacked me nd acted silly only so I could laugh; I hve also made frnds who over time have slowly passed on much pain, bitterness and grief my way either through their actions.

It takes months before U begin to understand people. While the initial spark and circumstances that drew you close progresses to the routine of everyday conversations, you begin to look at people beyond their words. You begin to look at intent, you begin to observe actions. In the fresh fun of new friendships, we overlook their flaws. But with time their flaws and our flaws begin to clash. And if their personality differs from yours, we tend to get angry and withdraw suddenly or we forgive them their flaws.

Forgiving someone their flaws and forgiving yourself in choosing that friendship is the hardest thing of all. After all learning to unfriend someone is not easy and it is so hard to let go of an individual when you feel you have invested so much of time, energy and emotion in them. But two valuable lessons I have re-learnt this past days is that

1.    That while your goodness might keep you investing in a friendship hoping for a change in your friend, it is important to also have the other person invest in you.

2.    Not all friendships are meant to be forever.

I got these lines from a beautiful article by Rebecca Lammersen “Check in with yourself when you leave someone’s presence. Ask yourself, do I feel uplifted and happy? Or, do I feel depleted and lethargic? If you feel uplifted, the person you were just with is a supporter, keep them around. If you feel depleted, the person you were with is an enemy to your heart, don’t associate with them and make no apologies,” she says. When my vision in life is to be someone who brings joy, goodness and hope into other people’s lives, when my goal is to be spiritually aware and uplifted every moment, I cannot allow myself to be hurt by the words and actions of those who do not share the values as mine.”

And so it is time for some goodbyes, it is time to un-friend and re-friend.